


You Shouldn’t Have Come Here

by debwalsh



Series: Deb’s Fictober Surprise! [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, First Kiss, Gay Bucky Barnes, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 08:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16281011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: Steve discovers Bucky is gone, and his world comes apart at the seams.





	You Shouldn’t Have Come Here

**Author's Note:**

> Would I leave you hanging? Well, yes. Yes, i would. But not tonight.

Steve was frantic. 

He’d gone out for a run and gotten waylaid by a bunch of kids at the park - they’d wanted autographs, selfies, peppered him with questions, and one of them had challenged him to a pickup game.  So he’d hung around, taken on the whole squad, found that basketball was clearly not his game, and ended up doing a team photo with the kids, all while promising to join them again sometime so they could proudly claim they’d bested a superhero at hoops.

He’d arrived home to a silent apartment.  That wasn’t unusual - Bucky still moved like smoke most of the time, and when he didn’t, he was likely to be stomping around like a churlish preteen looking for attention.

Steve was all too happy to oblige, although it had been getting harder and harder lately to suppress the urges that all too frequently came upon Steve.

To watch Bucky with undisguised adoration.

To touch Bucky, not just like a friend, but like a lover.

To kiss Bucky.Again and again and again.And again for good measure.

Sam had been coaching him for weeks about admitting his feelings for Bucky.It wasn’t a crush, it wasn’t a passing fancy.Steve had reconciled himself to the facts long ago.He was deeply and irrevocably in love with Bucky.

He always had been.  His heart had been big enough to find room for Peggy, too, and he would have been happy had they been able to build a life together.  But he knew he’d always feel like there was something missing if Bucky hadn’t been in his life.

There had been something missing when Steve woke from the ice.  He’d never planned to wake, he’d thought he’d be rejoining Buck on the other side.  He’d looked forward to it, even.  Because even before the _Valkyrie_ , he’d known that he would not be able to live a life without James Buchanan Barnes in it.  It had been inevitable that he would follow Bucky into death, sooner rather than later.

Joke was on both of them.A bitter, cruel, and hateful joke.

But now, here in this new century, this new time, they were in the same place, the same time, and the world was different. People could feel the way that Steve felt about Bucky, and it wasn’t a death sentence, at least where they lived. 

He knew there were places where admitting who you loved could expose you to danger and even death.He’d already decided that once he’d told Bucky how he felt, no matter how he reacted, he was coming out.He was publicly declaring his bisexuality, and he was assigning himself a new mission - to do everything he could to help his queer siblings wherever they lived on the spectrum, wherever they were in the world, in any way he could.

He’d allowed himself to be used for propaganda, military morale, long enough.He’d let himself be sent into war zones and covert ops enough.Conservative groups co-opted his image and re-fashioned him into an imaginary paragon of asshole values.Enough was truly enough.He was ready to take control of his life, be who he was inside, and choose his own mission.He hoped he’d have Buck by his side, as friend, as partner, as lover.But even if that didn’t happen, it didn’t change who he was, or what he wanted to dedicate his life to.

All of this was immaterial as he stared at the note in his hands.

“Gone.Don’t follow.B.”

Bucky had left him, didn’t want to see him?What could he have done to drive Buck away like that?

Had he heard him on the phone with Sam?Did he know that Steve was talking about him?Was he so horrified by it he couldn’t stand to be around Steve any longer?

The idea of never seeing Bucky again made Steve dizzy with a bone-deep terror.He couldn’t do it.Oh, he’d honor Bucky’s wishes if that’s what he really wanted.But he would not live with never seeing him again.A life without Bucky just wasn’t worth living.

He needed to know why Bucky had left.He needed to know, and he needed to know if there was any way he could fix it.He wanted to honor Buck’s wishes in all things.But this thing?Now?Steve Rogers was a selfish man. He wouldn’t let Bucky go without a fight.

&&&

Despite the image he let Tony assume about him, Steve was pretty savvy about technology, and he was a master tactician, after all.He and JARViS put together a plan of action that quickly revealed Bucky’s movements after leaving the tower, and pinpointed his location within less than an hour. 

Buck had checked into a hotel in Brooklyn, and was currently in his room.

Steve would deal with the ethical consequences of invading Bucky’s privacy like this later.Right now, he needed to see him, talk to him.Understand him.

Tony would’ve likely flown him there in one of his Iron Man suits, but Steve needed to feel in control.Within minutes of JARVIS identifying Bucky’s location, Steve was on his Harley, making his way across the bridge into Brooklyn.Through the comm in his ear, Steve followed JARVIS’s running commentary on traffic and shortcuts to Bucky’s location.

Steve felt equal parts sick to his stomach, energized with purpose, and terrified it would do no good.

&&&

“Buck, it’s me.  We need to talk.”

“Go away, Steve.  You shouldn’t have come here.”

“I’m not going away, jerk.Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t have to tell you shit.  Go away.”

“Buck, what the hell?What did I do that pissed you off so bad?Y’gotta tell me, ‘cos I sure as fuck don’t know.How can I fix it -“

“You can’t fix it, Steve.That’s the thing.It’s too late.You can’t fix it.”

“Bullshit.Buck, it’s you and me.Til the end of the line, remember?Neither one of us has to go it alone.We have each other -“

“Not anymore.You have someone else -“

“What?”

“You heard me.You’re in love with someone.You don’t need me, Steve.I’m just in the way.I’m ... you should go.”

Steve stood there in gaping silence for so long that Bucky finally called out in a small, broken voice, “Steve?Are you still there? Oh God, you really left -“

And Steve blinked, dropped like a stone to sit awkwardly on the floor of the hotel hallway.And laughed.

Not a giggle, not a chuckle.Not something small and hidden behind his hand.A full body belly laugh that shook him from his toes to the crown of his head, caused tears to run down his face, snot to drip from his nose, and his ribs to ache with the effort of the convulsive laughter that just would. Not.Stop.

Finally, Bucky wrenched the door open, bellowing, “What the actual fuck, asshole?I bear my fucking soul to you and you laugh it up?What kinda -“

Just then, several doors along the hallway opened up, revealed disgruntled hotel guests glaring and bitching at the pair of them.Bucky glared right back while Steve just kept laughing, great hiccoughing laughs that felt more like choking than mirth.He was starting to become concerned that he really couldn’t stop laughing -

“What the hell you lookin’ at, huh?”

“Is that Captain America?”

“Is he having a nervous breakdown?”

“Wait a minute, if that’s Cap, then this must be - “

“Look, me’n’the wife were tryin’ t’get cozy, and all this noise she can’t get in the mood -“

“Do we need to call somebody?”

“Can I get an autograph?”

“Wait right there, I’m getting my phone -“

“Oh, fuck this.C’mon Steve -“ Bucky swore, grabbed Steve under the arms to drag him into the hotel room, and kicked the door shut behind him.“Any of this ends up on Twitter, I’m comin’ for you fuckers!” he shouted over his shoulder as he all but tossed Steve onto the big king-sized bed.

Steve was shocked out of the cycle of laughter, and devolved into giggles as he bounced on the bed.  He heard someone out in the hallway asked, “Oh my God, was that the Winter Soldier?  Should we be calling security?”

“He was exonerated!” Steve shouted giddily.“And he’s my best friend!And I love him!”

“What the hell is your problem, punk?” Bucky demanded, striding toward Steve with purpose and fury in his eyes, and Steve would be lying if he didn’t admit that Bucky in full murder strut mode didn’t do it for him.Big time.Like, he might have a problem.Right now.And he was laying on Bucky’s bed, his legs splayed just the way Bucky had tossed him - like fucking manhandled him - and Bucky was now staring right at the evidence that was, well, rising.

“Are you ... is that ... what the hell is going on, Steve?” Buck demanded, switching from furious to curious in the blink of his beautiful eyes.

“I love you,” Steve said simply, hopefully.

“No, you love someone else -“

“Sam.Sam was making me practice.So I could finally say it to you.You overhead our conversation this morning didn’t you, jerk?You couldn’t fucking talk to me about it, you had to go all drama queen on me and pack up your sandbox and take it with you?”

“Wait, you love me. _You_ love _me_.You _love_ me!”

“I love you.And you’re kinda leaving me hanging here, Buck.You ... what ... me?”

“I fucking love you back, asshole.I think I always have.I just didn’t realize, understand, um - why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think ...”

“I’d be into guys?Or into you?”

“Both.But mostly the second one.And you?”

“Same.”

“So.We’re a coupla idiots.”

“A coupla idiots with a hotel room, no JARVIS, no Tony, no Avengers of any kind.And a really big bed.”

Bucky stared at Steve for a beat, then turned quickly toward the door where he pulled the Do Not Disturb sign, opened the door, hung the sign, then slammed the door and double bolted it.Then he sauntered over to the bed, a hint of Bucky “heartthrob of the dance halls” Barnes swagger. a dash of Winter Soldier murder strut, and a sprinkle of hesitant, nervous present day Bucky walk.

“What’re we gonna do about it?” Bucky asked silkily as he leaned a knee on the edge of the bed, looking down at Steve with heat in his eyes.

Steve patted the bed next to him.“Why don’t we find out?Together?”And Steve reached up to snag Bucky’s shirt to pull him down, and Bucky just let himself be pulled, falling so he blanketed Steve, his thigh slotting between Steve’s to create the most delicious friction that Steve couldn’t help but moan.And then Bucky’s mouth closed over his, swallowing the sounds that bubbled up Steve’s throat.There were hands, and lips, and heat, and Bucky everywhere at once.In the brief moment when their lips parted and they both sucked in air, Steve breathed again, “I love you, jerk.”He could feel Bucky’s smile as he paused to whisper, “I love you too, punk,” before he captured his lips again.

They’d both found home.

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> Pity the fool who posts on his Insta ...


End file.
